intoxicated in Tolkien's universe

In a full amazement of how Tolkien could fabricate the intricate and complicated world of middle earth. Not just a narration of some plots or a fabrication of few characters; but the whole damn universe, along with the mythology, history, language, custom, and the geography! I can't even imagine how much time and energy could he spent on building this realm. Even those religious scripts out there couldn't outmatched this masterpiece...

Automatic for the People

Everybody has got to be changing their taste in music every period or so, or at least listened to different bands or musicians with different musical inclinations. But everyone (or maybe almost everyone) also has one or more musician that always linger as their beloved, no matter how long ago the first time they listened to the said musician. In my case, the only band that has always been succeeded in assuring me that their music are the music of my life is R.E.M. I've been a die hard Sting's fan during my teenage times, and I even was a smooth-jazz enthusiast during the time. But along the way I grew up to listened to another type of music and bands, but R.E.M. has been my teenage crush, my twenty something's audio companion while working, my constant partner during the anxious period of my life, and even now they still manage to convinced me to fell in love with them over and over again.
The main reason of this journal entry, was my encounter with the song "sweetness follows" after so many years I haven't listened to "Automatic for the People" anymore. And now after more experiences listening to many kinds of music and bands, and after personal experiences which indirectly involving music (yeah I mean you go through the hardships of life accompanied by music too, right?), I find this album mesmerizing. Umm I'm not sure if "mesmerizing" is the right term to describes it, but yeah I kinda see the album in a more passionate manner.
My first crush with R.E.M. was "New Adventure in Hi-Fi". And during the time, my English was so bad, I only manage to catch a few phrases, which quenches my appetite of anxious driven lyrics (such as "Bittersweet Me" or "new test Leper"). Then came "Reveal" and "UP"... People can say whatever they want about these albums, but to me, the nonsensical lyrics; the slow and contemplative rhythm; and the overall atmosphere filled with anxiety of both albums, has been a very loyal companion on my contemplative-youth period, and even for that reason only, I put both albums (especially Reveal), as two of my most favorite out of REM's discography.
I listened to their earlier musics, such as Documents and Reckoning, and as s a musical dummy I didn't really relates to them. But I guessed the cerebral part of me couldn't ignore how critics adore the albums, so, emotionally-detached, I came to an understanding of how these two albums deserved a high recognition. But yeah, after I re-enjoyed Automatic for the People, I kinda understand REM much better. And personally and objectively, I found that this one has garnered the first rank on my version of "REM's best album".

Oh me and the bluest color of my collar ;)

Have a little chat with my best friend on Christmas-day. It continued with a grand planning to make an art program through a whatsapp's discussion yesterday. It is exhilarating for sure, especially remembering the last three months of my activity was revolved around a very timid-routinely job. But (I gotta say, it's a big "but" indeed) being in a blue collar job somehow leisured me in so many ways. And to compare the things I've gone through for about 4 years back, my current job seems a bit more blue collar-y than my encounter a few years a go. I mean, I've been doing lots and lots of illustration work for years. Both working with clients as an independent illustrator, or working in an office environment (such as today), but nowadays, I've found a new taste to the job.
If I wanna put my point of view, say in a social-culturally kind of research, I'll say this job gives you a bunch more of materials to be observed. Not that I see my co-workers as mere analysis materials, I only find that there are interesting dynamics which is familiar as well as alien in this environment. And in a way it represent the major dynamics in our society, so I somehow found myself as a part of something which is usual. I'm part of the normative society, in which, at the same time I can be the observer as well as the participating component.
I've seen different personas, up-close and personal. Mingle with them--somewhat intimately (as intimate as a coworkers went)--and learn their dreams and goals, and event their penchant to self-help books. It is the majorities, and from this very point of view is very much interesting. In humorous manner, I find myself as a cameraman of that american comedy show: "The Office". At first, I see this blue-collar job of mine as a meditative action after the emotional crash I experienced a few months prior. But heck, now I finds it as a very interesting "sport" :D.
My friend plans out this thing for me--an art event of someshort--and I think to make this office-thingy as a research material would be the awesomest idea! :D
Me: paints my collar as bluest as it can be. Enjoying the routine and the assurance of being okay at the end of each months... Yeah this is how most of homo sapiens in this planet functions and feels :D

A li'l review on "Begin Again"

First, I'd like to tell you about the condition on where I'm writing this gaga waga. I supposed to draw, write, and basically finish every bits of extra works I had. But yet, here I am writing another gaga waga a.k.a. wasting off another precious time :p
I'd like to write a little review of the movie "Begin Again". I have to be honest, the initial reason I watch it, was because my sister insisted that Keira Knightley look a lot like me on this movie. Well who would passed up a chance of seeing a movie in which you get to compare yourself to such beauty like Miss Knightley :D.
In the end, I ended up adore the movie. The idea of the movie is pretty simple, but with a good writing and directing, it really come out as a very good film. It's basically a  "post-mortem" kind of love story, and in one way and another will remind you of "500 days of Summer". The musical background (no wonder, its John Carney's move, duh!) is what makes Begin Again so special, specially when it mixes perfectly with the sweet yet realistic love story of the two main character: Greta (Knightley) and Dan (Mark Rufallo).
What I really like about Begin Again is the overlapping plot between Greta's and Dan's story, in which each of them was going to a contradictory points; Dan to a reconciliation (with his family and job) while Greta to a separation (with his longtime boyfriend). Yet, individually both of them was actually overcome their affliction with life, even though in Greta's case she had to let her boyfriend go.
I love how the two main character use music as a tool to resolute their anguish with the reality. Greta whose boyfriend was in the middle of fame-euphoria as a rising star musician, has to face the fact that somehow reality could change a person you supposedly known inside out, no matter how long and strong their relationship was. In another case, Dan (a music producer) whose life was already in a mess, has to came to an understanding that every bits of life he had was actually worth fighting for. Both of Dan and Greta meet at their lowest point of their life. Trying to have a reason to do something, or perhaps simply try to distract themselves from their own problem, they decided to record an album. Being rejected by the recording company who already fired Dan, they records their album on scattered places around New York, recruiting random people they meet a long the way. While in the process of recording the album, these two very different people influences one and the other, and not only they find comfort and happiness between each other, they also find a new perspective on viewing their own problem.
Aside from enjoying the plot, I also enjoyed the superb acting of the stars, not to mention to see again Kailee Steinfeld, whom I really adored since "True Grit". Rotten Tomatoes gave 83%, and I think it's a fair review, since there still a few flaws hither and thither.
So eventually, I'd say Begin Again is a highly recommended movie. A bit chic-flick-y, but with an open mind, I think guys will also enjoy it.

A Doubting Thomas

"Faith". The term is an unfamiliar subject in my 30 years of experience as a Homo sapiens. Yet, it gave me a second life today.
Ever since I have the ability to remember, I have always been a doubting Thomas, thus I never truly have faith on myself. It tolls in a number of heartbreak experience, because I have been taking people's point of view as the source of my own confidence. But today came an understanding, that even though you never give yourself too much credit, there are always people around you who can regard you in high value, which, in my opinion, rather give you a higher experience, than those who can provide value from inside themselves.
Ah, this might be just another sappy moment for my swing-y personality... But yeah, I can't deny, the bubbling happiness inside my chest. Because somehow, there are people who regards me as something valuable...
I guess, being a doubting Thomas isn't such a bad thing after all...

An Epiphany Rush

I reckon I haven't wrote anything here for quite a while. Now that an epiphany struck me, I believe I want to write it down here. So I can get the perception of being brave, to lay down my honesty in open space like this, even though I highly doubt someone would even care to read a personal rambling like this.
So, I've been jolting my life for the last 30 years of my existence, and it can be dumb-down into an activities of staying between moments to moments, without any semblance of permanence. But I have my own fears... insecurities, which shackled me from my own liberation. Then it struck me, maybe these hoping around between moments is actually what prevent me out of my freedom. Maybe considering about permanence wasn't such a bad idea after all, because I need not to deny those insecurities I had within myself.
They say epiphany could be from anywhere. In my case, I found a kind of enlightenment from an american political tv show. The show told me if you want your existence to be significant, you need to choose permanence over liberation. Significance in my opinion is not how you stand under the spotlight and being praised by people. It is the stance you choose and you believed in, so you can significantly claim yourself to be self fulfilling--meh or maybe I just made up a very weak logic. And to be able to do so, you can not rely things to just go by themselves. I can not jumping off from one point to another out of whims. Permanence... this word haunted me tonight. Permanence.. to me it rings like an Occam's Razor-ic things. Because it is so damn simple.
I always consider my self as an anti-hero. A Nobita-like character of someshort. It was cool for a while. But now that I look back to my past, I realized I accomplish nothing but this extreme mood swings charisma. Heck I even chose the word "charisma". As it is somekind of charm or something...
The thing is I've met these people. If it was a 4 or 5 month a go, I would refer to them as simple people... I was so blinded by the ridiculous notion of intellectual hierarchies, I regard them as mere background. An insignificant blare of the civilization or someshort..  And yet, it was from them I learn a very important lesson of humility. My narrow perspective has led me into an overconfident self today, and gosh how it had put me into a quite humiliating defeat...But yeah, it at least reminds me to humble myself. To remember that I was never standing at the spotlight, being all mighty and glorious, just because I claim myself to be a shabby, damnable, penniless poet... Perhaps it was my own pride which prevent me to get a clearer view of reality. I dunno.. but I guess, I'll work on my own "permanence" from now on. To build a sense of orderly daily life, and decide everything out of plans... Uh, they said epiphanies often drains quickly. So better to conserve this overflowing energy, and working on it one step at a time....

A Lesson in Humility

I always consider my self as an antihero. A Nobita-like character of someshort. It was "cool" for a while, acting all pessimistic and bleak. But then I met this people, with their enthusiasm and optimistic approach towards life. I mean not just the regular enthusiasm, but a sweet-passionate positivity; their brightness almost beat the sun. And it got me thinking... maybe acting all depressive and hating the world is not the best way to go. No, I'm not suddenly become all positive and cheery because of them. They just somehow reminds me of finding this meme a few months a go, it said: "Not sure if bleak outlook on life and general hopelessness means I'm depressed OR JUST GROWING UP." When I first found the meme, I immediately felt relates to it. Yeah, I was very sure that in order of becoming an honest grown ups, we must at least feels a kind of hopelessness in life. But these people--those I considered as "most people" actually--could bow to the life gracefully, and regards life as something which offer definite happiness. Perhaps--just perhaps--being all grown up means the opposite of what I presume all these time. You know what Timon said; "when the world turn its back on you, you turn your back on the world." I've been turning my back on the world for years now.
I'm old. No point debating the fact.And I guess I've acting like a teenage angst for far too long.
*Notes: this is actually a drafted submission from maybe 2 years a go... find it quite funny heheh.. teenage angst...