Minggu, Maret 29, 2015

hook, line, and sinker

I already know that I will always be an odds out. Not that I try to justify myself or that I am proud of being a weirdo. It's a dry fact; never (yet) in my whole life did I ever feel belong in any kind of community or a system of belief whatsoever. Erm, this however end up in me absorbing anything the world has yet to offer. Refusal was never my nature, even though I have faced disappointment and rejection countless time. I guess I'm afraid that whenever I passed up an opportunity, I'll regret that I will never taste the consequences it would offer (yeah even the painful ones). I long for experiences, bitter or sweet.. In the other hand, I always been in a constant struggle of trying to be fair to myself and to those around me. Always in a constant struggle of being an idealist and nihilist. I mean, I long for fairy tale-kind of morality, in which love and compassion could defeat harshness of life; but on the other hand, I have an abundant portion of skepticism toward life. I am well aware that every single person out there (including me) is a heartless-egotistical prick, who would manipulate life in order to gain his/her personal expectation. But this nagging feeling at the back on my head kept luring me to hope.. that there's Westley's kind of wisdom in every human being. *shrug* call it an evolved form of primate's brain, in which a stronghold of empathy between each other would increase our survival possibility. I dunno, emotion always lead you to this euphoric (yet pathetic) feelings... I am in a starting point of some game of sort, initiated by a very bright person. The game's very alluring indeed, it tempt you to just go for it, completely. And yeah, just like I've always do all these time, I will go for it, hook, line, and sinker... It might ended up in tears and disappointment.. but isn't life is a constant disappointment? and with disappointment, along came joy in its smallest spark of hope and anticipation...