Sigh

Woke up with a realization that everything is inevitably nihilistic *loongsigh*
The central point of the problem lies within my lack of beliefs, whether it be a systemical belief or faith in an existential manner. You know the Kubler-Ross model of grief, the one which describe grief in phases such as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance. I for one believe, that we shall add a subsequent phase: apathy.
Apathy is the core corollary of nihilism I supposed. What to do when everything is skeptically important anymore? well be bored and get apathical I guess.
My boss told me I was so expert on shooing men away. It seems such a proudful gesture, but no, really, I don't mean to be picky or anything, or have a certain belief that I deserve a particular qualities in men. No, the reason is actually stemmed in my apathy towards life. I'm at a point in  which when I'm hopeful about something it will only gets me alerted; for I believe hope is toxic and will trap you in expectations, which many times cheated on you.
I don't do any art (just a bunch of petty projects to gets life going), I don't want a permanent relationship (& never had a serious one), I don't open my self too much to people; cause I know nil is the inevitable quality of life.
Just like old Eric Idle said: you come from nothing to nothing, what are you losing? Nothing..!